July 27, 2011

Dear Judy:

My dear, sweet friend, you are loved so much and tonight my heart is very heavy because I know I will never see you again this side of Heaven.  There is just so much I wanted to say to you but my timing was all wrong and you were not up to seeing people when I could come.  I guess it was just meant to be that way.  I just wanted a few minutes to say thank you for all you mean to so many people and to say goodbye.  I wasn’t able to actually say it to you then but I can say it here right now.

I guess we all have been saying goodbye to you these past few months and now that the time is actually here, we still don’t want to say it.  We love you and will miss you terribly, but I promise you, you will always be with us.  I know we will feel your presence at every Friend’s Night and Thursday lunch from now on.  I’m so thankful you made your last class reunion and that I got to share that night with you.  I think we will all have the greatest memories when we look back on that and talk about it.

We have been blessed and so have your children.  What a wonderful role model you have been for Jeff and Jason.  They will be strong because you made them strong.  We will be strong because you made us strong.  I don’t know what you are seeing right now, but I know when the time comes, God’s angels will gently escort you to the other side and you will be in the presence of God and never be sick, tired, nauseated or in pain ever again. For that I am thankful.

And so, we release you to the angels.  You have fought a long, hard battle but that will be over soon for you.  The pain will be with us for a long time, but the memory of your smile and keen wit will also be with us.

I love you and I am going to say goodbye – for now.  I will see you again, my friend.

Susan

Visit 7-15-11

I did go see Judy and she was doing well….she said she was comfortable and the pain was controlled….she expects them to get the meds regulated or fine tuned so she can go home on Monday.  Both Jeff and Jason were there with her and another couple that she introduced me to and I think their names were Phyllis and Mack….maybe, can’t remember.  Anyway, I asked the boys if they objected to my staying for a few minutes and they said it was fine.  Judy said that Evelyn had just left when I got there.  Another friend came by today and did her hair.  I was truly amazed at how well she looked.  It is so amazing to me to have Judy talk about the transition she is preparing for….she said she would truly miss her friends….she said she prayed and told God that she had a little bit of heaven on earth with her family, and friends….she said, “I love my life”.  I am so thankful that I went today….Hope also went to visit her today….so I am thinking she had a lot of company, maybe that is why they requested  no company for a while.  Judy does want to make you feel good and tries to entertain.  I understand why they want to ask people not to come, but I think Judy would almost prefer to have her friends around her.  Anyway, with all the rambling, I hope I did the right thing by going today.

Love , Jo Dutton Winkler

Judy - The Prankster

Judy promised me and Shirley if we would eat a tadpole, she would too.. We did wrap it in a piece of white bread and swallowed it whole.. Then Judy would not eat one..

  You should have heard us at  9 and 10 years old... me and Shirley going back and forth...  Judy like me best... no she likes me best.. no, she likes me best.. we still do that..

   She loves us both as she loves everyone she comes in contact with.  She has more love in her little finger than most have in their whole body.  So glad you got to know her...  We are so blessed.. and bless you for the page....

Hopey

Update

Just talked to the social worker at hospice where Judy is. She is at Wayne T. Patrick Hospice House on India Hook Road in Rock Hill, SC.  The soc. worker said that Judy had a good night and that she was awake and feeling ok. Visiting hours are 24/7 and it is ok to visit for a few minutes. They said that she would be glad to see us. I am going for a few minutes today. Will let yall know how she is doing. Love you all, Hopey

In Honor of My Dear Friend Judy

Judy and I met in junior high (now called middle school), and were more acquaintances than friends until after we graduated.  We worked together and became friends at the old Bank of Lancaster many, many years ago.  We were in and out of each other’s lives over all those years, but never completely lost sight of each other.  When we did connect, it was like we had just talked the day before.  A few years ago, a group of us started going to lunch together somewhere in Lancaster every Thursday.  Those lunch times turned into so much more than lunch and talking.  They turned into a strong, caring network of dear friends who support each other through everything.  They turned into this wonderful opportunity to reconnect with old friends and make new ones.  Judy and I were able to reconnect on a much deeper level. 

      She learned that I had lost my sister to ovarian cancer.  She wanted to know all about Glennie, how she handled the news, how she dealt with her condition daily, and she wanted to know the truth of what she experienced.  It was difficult, but I told her everything.  She was not as fortunate as Judy has been.  She was only with us 9 months from the date of her diagnosis.  Judy has persevered for years, thank God.  I cannot say how much I admired and was in awe of how my sister handled herself through her ordeal.  I had never seen such strength and courage in anyone before or since, until Judy. 

      Judy has left her mark on every life she has ever touched.  No matter what she may have been going through herself, she has always shown concern and caring for others and their needs.  She has never stopped living her life despite incredible obstacles. She has never stopped appreciating everything and everyone, or enjoying each moment she has been given.    

     We have talked about everything from the serious to the frivolous.  We have agreed to disagree, laughed together, cried together, and shared so many times, and made so many everlasting memories.   

     Judy is a shining example of strength, courage, dignity, humor, and love.  She is a dear and true friend, and I am heartbroken that she is leaving us and for what she is going through.  She told me last week that she didn’t want to miss any of our “parties”.  I told her she never would because she will always be with us.   

     Someone sent me a card when I lost my sister that was of great comfort to me, and this is my tribute to Judy as she moves on to another of life’s facets on her journey: 

 Don't think of her
as gone away-
Her journey has just begun
Life holds so many facets-
this earth is only one...

Just think of her as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

Think how she must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness

can really pass away

And think of her as living
in the hearts of those she touched...
for nothing loved is ever lost-
and she is loved so much.

I love you my friend.

Freida

Wonderful Memories For 60 Years

Judy has been my dear friend for 60 years. I have so many wonderful memories of her that I cherish today and will cherish for the rest of my life. I pray so hard that she is not suffering. I will go to Rock Hill tomorrow to try to visit with her if she is strong enough for visitors. If I only get a sweet kiss from her, and a moment to tell her how much I love her. She knows how much I love her and how much I have always loved her. I will keep her in my heart for as long as I live. Her precious sons, Jason and Jeff are in my prayers right along with my Judy. God Bless them and keep them strong through the heartbreaking days. I loveerson you, Judy. Hopey

July 14, 2011

So, Judy’s in the hospice house tonight.  This really caught me off guard at 10PM tonight because I had planned to phone and arrange a time to visit with her on Saturday.  My emotions are raging again and I don’t know what to do with them.  We don’t want to lose her but we know it’s coming and we just don’t want to face it.  I know her friends and family were giving her the best care they could at home, but perhaps Agape Hospice is where she needs to be.  I can just see her now at home when people come to visit…that old southern way of life steps in.  You know, you have to make people feel at home so you “entertain” them the best you can.  She is going to put everyone else’s feelings above her own.  She is worried about her sons, her family and her friends.  And now when I to pause and look at it, I think I understand it.   She is probably more worried about us because she knows she is going to be better off  - eventually.  So now she is going to spend her time consoling us.  That is just so Judy.  “How are you Judy?”  “Things are going well.”  My left foot!!!  She hid it as long as she could, and now time has alerted us to the real truth.  It just happened too fast – that is one reason I’m having a hard time….I guess I had my head too far in the sand , so much that I actually believed that maybe she was alright.  We love you Judy and we are with you every step of the way and will never allow ourselves not to think of you during this horrible time for you.  We love you and we continue to pray for you and especially Jeffrey and Jason.  If ever they needed each other, it is now.  And, if we ever needed each other, it is now.  God has a way of binding people together.  It’s a promise he made for His people and he will do it.  Tonight I can say “Thanks be to God” - for all the good and maybe I will all reach the place where we can thank him for the bad.

Judy's Fight Continues

It really hit me June 29, 2011. I got the phone call from Freida telling me that Judy was back in the hospital – throwing up and had a bowel blockage. She said she was in Richland Hospital in Columbia and was not doing well at all. I cried…and cried. That night I did something I have not done in a very long time – I got on my knees and prayed - and cried some more.
Why does this have to happen to Judy? Why her? She’s so sweet - with 2 sons who still depend on her just to “be there”. So sweet – and would be the greatest grandmother EVER someday. So sweet - and her closest friends who have loved her since childhood and those of us newer friends, feel so helpless.
It’s our group’s nature to “do something” – anything – and do it frequently. But we can’t do anything physically for her so we do what is best for her and us…we pray and share our feelings with her and each other.
Judy and I were in high school together, one year apart. We knew each other but we were not friends. That changed in September 2009. My husband died September 3rd and I was really having a pity party and called Freida to meet me for lunch. “I’m having lunch with some girls we went to high school with; why don’t you join us”. I did - and that’s the way it’s been ever since. As it turned out, Judy’s husband, Richard, was in the same nursing home as my husband, only 1 wing apart, and they died a week apart. Surprisingly, our paths never crossed.
But let me digress a little (as Sophia Petrillo of the Golden Girls would say) and tell you about this arthritic, fribromyalgic, menopausal, shagging (that’s shagging – not sagging) group of women. We’ve just a bunch of crazy, fabulous women over 60 who love life and everything in it. This group is so crazy that we meet every Thursday, have lunch and catch up on what has happened since last Thursday, or at least since the Shag dance on a Saturday night.
Not only do we have lunch weekly, we also have what we call “Friend’s Night” that meets monthly at the Moose Lodge. It’s sorta’ like a pot lunch supper. Bring anything you want and hope it closely resembles a meal. We can count on Randy and Jan for the pizza (yuuuuummy!) and even Mike and Mary Ann honored us with SUUUPERRRBBB BBQ last month. It isn’t a fancy meal…just good food, great conversation, lots of laughter and, of course, a little wine.
Well, that’s how my life began to intertwine with Judy’s and her friendship has meant more to me that she can ever know. I am blessed to have her in my life and am so grateful for a friend like her.
Our group has many memories of really fun times we’ve had at that old Moose Lodge and other places that will remain nameless. And we will have many more. I just wanted to try to make it possible for this wonderful group of women, who love each other so much, who share our feelings and support each other, to have a site where we can come and share our feelings for that day, if we want to…and just tell Judy what we are thinking and feeling anytime we want to.
If you have come across this site and would like to leave comments for Judy or anyone else, please do so. This is all about friendship. Our lives have been a journey and this journey of memories will continue into the afterlife where, hopefully we can talk AND laugh over these memories. Please share your adoration for our friend Judy, and post your photos and memories. I have enabled this blog to allow each of you to post if you'd like. It's OK - many have said they don't have the gift of words that I do. Thanks for the kind words, but I don’t have it either. I just write what is in my heart. After all, human expression begins with words.
Love you all my friends, and thank you for all you do for each other. God Bless us all.
Love, Susan