July 14, 2011

So, Judy’s in the hospice house tonight.  This really caught me off guard at 10PM tonight because I had planned to phone and arrange a time to visit with her on Saturday.  My emotions are raging again and I don’t know what to do with them.  We don’t want to lose her but we know it’s coming and we just don’t want to face it.  I know her friends and family were giving her the best care they could at home, but perhaps Agape Hospice is where she needs to be.  I can just see her now at home when people come to visit…that old southern way of life steps in.  You know, you have to make people feel at home so you “entertain” them the best you can.  She is going to put everyone else’s feelings above her own.  She is worried about her sons, her family and her friends.  And now when I to pause and look at it, I think I understand it.   She is probably more worried about us because she knows she is going to be better off  - eventually.  So now she is going to spend her time consoling us.  That is just so Judy.  “How are you Judy?”  “Things are going well.”  My left foot!!!  She hid it as long as she could, and now time has alerted us to the real truth.  It just happened too fast – that is one reason I’m having a hard time….I guess I had my head too far in the sand , so much that I actually believed that maybe she was alright.  We love you Judy and we are with you every step of the way and will never allow ourselves not to think of you during this horrible time for you.  We love you and we continue to pray for you and especially Jeffrey and Jason.  If ever they needed each other, it is now.  And, if we ever needed each other, it is now.  God has a way of binding people together.  It’s a promise he made for His people and he will do it.  Tonight I can say “Thanks be to God” - for all the good and maybe I will all reach the place where we can thank him for the bad.